Monday, May 14, 2012

Kews and Ehs #9: Guys (oh yes.)

How do you pick your colors? Do you use the season color system? If so, what "season" are you?

Honestly, I just go for what I like. I know there are certain colors that bring out my eyes more (blue, green) but other than that, I'm not real picky-choosy. I don't use the season color system, and really don't know much about it. Should I? ...I just googled it and I guess I'm a Spring. :D

what's your views on courtship and dating? (I know it doesn't really have anything to do with modesty but I'm very curious as to your views on this subject)
I believe every relationship (sister, girlfriend, guyfriend, "grandmother", marriage-potential, parents, etc) that comes across our path has one purpose: to grow us, and them, closer to our heavenly Father. I try to keep this in mind as I interact with everyone in my life. I don't believe in "recreational" dating. I do, however, see a time before engagement where a couple is specifically praying, getting to know one another, and seeking the counsel of others as to whether their match is a good, God-glorifying one. Most people call this courtship to differentiate from the stereotypical dating scene. I also know that every relationship and situation is different and strict rules and models are not always advantageous. So, all that to say, everything should be approached with fear and trembling (don't want to hurt anyone!) and the goal of glorifying God (that is the purpose of marriage, anyway) in mind. I try not to box myself into a mold that when circumstances and people change I won't be able to happily adapt. I do, however, wish my father to be approached by the guy before I have caught on to his interest and I know my Daddy will help us as we pursue a relationship.

How often do you go shopping and do your parents make you pay for all your clothes like mine do?
I go clothes shopping usually 2 or 3 times a year- that is, going out shopping looking for clothes specifically. I'm usually given a set amount ~$100 for everything I need- shoes, underthings, coats, etc. and anything above that I spend I have to pay for from my money. It's not usually that much money now that my sisters need their own clothes and not just my hand-me-downs. :D Thrift stores and clearance racks are our friends. :)

How would you describe your relationship with your mum and da? "
I'm very blessed to have wonderful, Christian parents whose goal is to help me in my walk with Christ. So, they support me in anything that achieves that, as well as show me areas that I need to work on. Of course, we're not perfect, and we have our quibbles all the time. Because my mom and I are so much alike, we often grate on each other, but usually we come out smoother on the other side. :D My Daddy's very loving and open to new things, which I'm very grateful for... plus he's totally the life of our house and keeps us all in hysterical laughter. :)

Would you wear the classic speedo swimsuit? You know, the one with no skirt or sleeves? I swim competitively, and you pretty much have to wear one of these!!! Is it too immodest?
Personally, I probably wouldn't participate in competitive swimming because of the immodest suits-- not just on me, but on those around me as well, and the general culture that surrounds the swimming pool. However, if I really really loved it, I would probably find a way to wear shorts or a skirt over the speedo that would cover my thighs more but would still be aero(hydro?)dynamic. :)

"-Do you strive for emotional purity? i.e., guarding your heart? If so, how do you do it? Any encouragement/TIPS!!!!
Emotional purity is a hard thing because we're created to be at the side of a man- I mean, that is where we came from (Genesis 2:22), so naturally we feel "at home" and complete there. Some of us have not yet discovered who our man will be, and we're constantly "on the lookout" or thinking in terms of matrimony. Innocent guys at the grocery store turn into, "Well, he's cute... maybe, just maybe this could be one of those amazing chance meetings..." and before we know it the cashier unknowingly has his whole life planned by you. Or your brothers at church turn into marriage potential when really, it's not possible for you to marry all of them. ;) It's hard, and I certainly don't have it figured out. A couple things that have helped me are:
  • Give your daddy your heart to keep. Tell your parents who you're "fascinated by" this week. Having this accountability helps keep those girlhood crushes at bay and puts things in perspective.
  • Think of your close guy friends as brothers. I don't have any older brothers, so this has been tough for me to find balance in. Get too close and the guy thinks you like him, stay too far away and you miss out on a great relationship. To help keep that balance sometimes it's easier to...
  • Think of every guy as another girl's husband. Would I be telling him this if he were married? What will his future wife think of my behavior? If my future husband and his future wife were also sitting here, how would the conversation change? Sometimes it's easiest to think of a guy as my brother-in-law... brother, but someone else's husband, and someone who I'll be dealing with the rest of my life. :)
It can be confusing, but learning to rely on Christ for our self-worth and not on who likes us makes everyone happier. :D  I hiiiiiighly recommend the book, "It's Not That Complicated" on this topic. :)

-Have your brothers in Christ ever shared any modesty thoughts (like, ""We hate/love when you wear etc.) that you found helpful? If so, could you share them?
Hmm... I think just "loose over the rear is helpful" is the only thoughts I've heard. And then, of course, the jokes if something I'm wearing is outlandish, or if they don't like my hat or something. :P I really gleaned a lot from reading the Modesty Survey The Rebelution put out several years ago. :)

-Do you have any guidelines for interacting with guys?
Well, I've already shared a few tips in this post. Overall though, I think basic rules apply-- guys are humans, too. Be meek, think of others more than yourself. Be fun, but don't do stuff you'd regret. Better to be conservative than cause another to stumble. Love them with the love of Christ. Don't expect anything of them you wouldn't expect of yourself. They aren't perfect, and neither are you. Be a lady, be a friend, be a source of cheer and not a headache. :)

An important thing that we all need to remember is that modesty isn't just about how much or little we cover our bodies... modesty is even more so how we act. A modest woman does not draw undue attention to herself or seek out that attention, especially guy's. If we are modest ladies in our actions as well as our dress, it really helps with all of this guy stuff. :D The definition of modesty from Webster's 1828 dictionary is so convicting:


MOD'ESTY, n. [L. modestia.] That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. This temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.


2. Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty.
3. Moderation; decency.
4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.


~~



I used to think that sometimes guys were more trouble than they were worth, but happily my opinion has changed and I'm very thankful for my role as supporter, encourager, and help meet. Relationships with them can be tricky, but they are so worth it. Take courage and be your dignified, modest self. ;)
What are your thoughts?


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17 comments :

  1. So when is it my turn to ask a question? ;)
    Love ya-you. Can't wait to see you soooooon!

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    1. Haha, do you have a question? 'cause I'm running out of them...
      I like the sound of that. <3

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  2. You inspire me with each and every post! Keep up the good work!

    ♥Michelle

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  3. Thanks so much for the encouragement and advice! I agree with every thing you said! :)

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  4. Great post! It's good to be reminded of many of the points you brought up, and then to ponder some of the things I hadn't necessarily thought of before.
    And I love that definition of modesty...it's more than a lot of people think of when they hear the word.(:

    ~Vicki
    deckedoutinruffles.blogspot.com

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  5. Wow, great post Olivia! I'm rarely seen actually shopping for clothes in a place like Target or Wal Mart, but I'm seen regularly in the aisles of op-shops (like the Australian version thrift stores) with bargains over my arm. THey seriously are the best places to look for something. A few weeks back my Mum got a pair of boots from one for $30, basically brand new (like, in REALLY good condition) and she looked online, and there they cost nearly $400! Just goes to show what kind of things you can pick up at an op shop!

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  6. Loved to hear your answers!

    http://www.loganmakesamess.com

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  7. Great answers! This post was very encouraging! I agree, sometimes relationships with guys can get complicated, but it is so worth it! I am incredibly greatful for my ownderful guy friends! For me it helps to treat him as my brother, and remeber that he is my brother in Christ! Also, I am best learning, and training myself to love him so much that I want whats best for him, even if the best isn't me! I know if I can love him like that, then that love is real! Are you coming up to Wheeling soon?
    Love, Katie

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  8. Hey blue clothes pull out my eyes too! Ha!

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  9. Good thoughts, Olivia! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about our relationships with guys, and actually got the book "Just Friends" for my birthday about a week ago. I have already finished it, and am now going back through it making notes. ;) It talks a lot about how to be "just friends", and why it is a good idea when we are not yet ready for marriage. At times, I too, thought these relationships were more trouble than they were worth, but now I see that we can learn from them and mature in Christ. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on a rather tricky subject!! ;)

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  10. I loved your answer to the question about emotional purity and guarding your heart. I read the part about innocent guys in the grocery store and thought, "Aaah! I do that all the time!!!" Your line "Before we know it, the cashier unknowingly has his whole life planned by you!" left me in stitches. It's true! The poor guys!

    Your answer was so encouraging to me, because I struggle with this a lot. Sometimes I've found myself wondering if I'm the only girl in the whole world who does. My sisters are very different than I am. They don't struggle in that area, which makes me wonder if something's wrong with me. ;-) Thanks for making me feel less alone in my feelings!

    I really loved your last suggestion for conduct in a relationship with a guy. Thinking of them as another girl's husband is a truly excellent tip. I try to do that, and it really works well. When I remember. ;-)

    Hope you're having a great day!

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    1. Julia, I'm glad this was able to encourage you-- and you certainly are not alone! I'm sure these feelings are here for a reason... we just have to be patient and reserved until it's time to use them. :) Blessings!

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  11. Great answers! You have good thoughts about boy-girl relationships, and I appreciate that! Keep serving Him!

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  12. these are so much fun to read! :) I always look forward to these!
    would you ever consider doing a vlog for the kews and Ehs? I think that would be really neat to "Watch" your answers :) just an idea ;)

    -Laura

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  13. Yay! You answered my questions...thank you Olivia! Your answers were so encouraging, and I intend to try thinking of guys as my brother-in-law. What a great suggestion!

    ~Wineveria

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  14. Although I don't stick to the season thing 100%, I do think there is something to it that in general it does help you find the most flattering colors to wear with one's complexion, hair color, etc. Anyway, this is a really good post. I think it has some really great advice for girls who are not yet married. It takes a lot of confidence and commitment to the Lord to approach boy-girl relationships like this in the current culture, yet it is so rewarding in the long run. Good for you!

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  15. Thankyou Olivia for sharing your thoughts on guy-girl relationships! it is so encouraging to hear of another young lady in my 'era' who is taking this 'lifestyle' of purity, not just physically, but emotionally as well!
    giving full surrender of my love life was one of the hardest things i have done... but sooo, sooo, soo rewarding! It seems quite ironic that one would commit her life to a saviour who died for her soul, and still keep her 'old' love life her own and not be willing to surrender this part of her physical, emotional and thought life...
    Anyway, thankyou for your beautiful, bible-based thoughts! They encouraged me so much!
    Keep looking to Jesus,
    luv,
    Em xo

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Fresh Modesty is fashion blog which encourages girls to "Dress outside your box, but inside His Book!" I allow anonymous comments so those without accounts can comment, but I would really appreciate it if you would identify yourself by some form of a name. :) Thank you for taking the time to comment!