Friday, July 11, 2014

Let's Talk | With You About Courtship!

Hey y'all! I wanted to let you know about something going on Saturday night that you won't want to miss! 

I will be joining Bree from Cover Up for Christ on her Facebook page to answer your questions and just *talk* about the concept of courtship! Granted, we really have no experience or authority on the subject, but nevertheless sometimes it's good to just chat with friends about things, y'know? So that's the plan. 

Brief overview of "Courtship" as is generally understood in the conservative church today:
  • Courtship is term used for a relationship-before-engagement in which the man and woman are seeking to determine if it is the Lord's will for them to marry, preferably with the help of family and trusted friends. 
  • Courtship is VERY individualized and there is no set method to follow nor will two courtships ever look the same. 
  • The intention of courtship (as opposed to, say, dating) is that the girl remain under the protection and guidance of her family and specifically father during the process, as is the norm set forth in the Bible- that a woman is always under the authority of a man, whether that is her father or husband. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
  • Choosing to "Court" instead of "Date" does not make pre-marriage fool-proof. No matter the method, we are still fallen, sinful creatures and must look to the Lord for guidance in all things. 
  • Generally, courtships tend to be a lot shorter than dating relationships and move quicker into engagement because of the very deliberate nature they have. 
There is a lot more behind the whole idea, and if you are completely new to the concept, I encourage you to check out the Courtship Series Bree has on her blog.

So, please, join us Saturday, July 12th at 8 EST on Cover Up for Christ's Facebook page to talk! It really will be a chat-- y'all ask questions, we reply, y'all ask questions, we reply, so we need y'all to come participate! I think we'll be there chatting only thirty minutes to an hour, so don't be late!


21 comments :

  1. thing is, how come you always avoiding replying your Facebook notes?

    i sended my question there

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  2. If only I have an FB account!
    Clara

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    1. No worries! You can still join that chat even if you don't have your own page, just click on the link for our Facebook page. You won't be able to leave any comments, but you will be able to follow along!

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  3. Yay!! I'm very pro courtship and plan on courting, myself, if it's in God's will. I have plans that Saturday but I'm hoping to be home in time to join in!

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  4. My husband and I courted.. I wouldn't change a thing.. It challenged both of us and also helped us with our first year of marriage.. *He was deployed overseas 3 months after we married for a year..* I hope and pray that my children will want to court no matter there age.. I was 23 my husband was 28.. It truly was a blessing for sure! Good luck on your talk.. :-)

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  5. This sounds fun! Too bad I don't have Facebook! :(

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  6. I love the idea of courting, and can't wait to be in a courtship!! :) It sounds so much more "fun" and safe than dating...

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  7. Not to be personal, Olivia, but this sparked my curiosity. You're not courting by any chance are you?
    Kelsey

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  8. I don't have a Facebook account, but this sounds like it will be a very fun and fruitful time for everyone! Hope it goes well!
    ~Abby

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  9. Hi Olivia!
    I think it's great to have a man watch over us, but I was wondering about the women in the New Testament who were single. We're they under authority? I think courtship is wonderful in so many ways.
    Abigail

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  10. How will it work? with topic questions,or more of a Q and A for you and Bree? thanks,really excited to do this!

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  11. Are guys allowed? If so, I'd like to join. If it is a girls only thing I understand :)

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    1. I don't mind if you do. It's starting now!

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  12. Me and My husband also courted. I wouldn't have it any other way. We were married on May, 31st 2014. We have since moved and are living in Memphis TN where we are continuing to try to follow God's leading and get to know one another.

    Courtship is great, because it is a commitment and it is fun! It is more about seriously seeking God's will for the couple. Even when a courtship does not come to marriage, it often has it's amazing purpose in teaching both parties something of great value. The Lord spoke through me and my husband's courtship to show me what it means to let go and be willing to give everything up to Christ. I had to learn that God could end the courtship at any time and that I had to hold it with open hands, saying, "Lord, I think I love this man. I feel for him in so many ways. I know that You know this and you care for us both, but Lord, take it all away if it is Your will. If it gives you glory to bring this to an end, I pray you would do so. Everything I "have" is yours. Even he isn't mine to hold. I pray, Lord, Let me praise your name however this turns out, and let me become more like you through the process."

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  13. I love your blog and your style and your morals of modesty. It's great. Having said that, I'm honestly a bit disappointed in this. I have many friends whose lives have been absolutely destroyed by courtship, even to the point of denying Christ forever because of this experience. I am not talking about just a few, I am talking into the dozens. You don't need to publish this comment, I just hope you read it and evaluate to yourself the shady side of courting. I have absolutely NO problem with the concept of dating like on group dates and being abstinent and taking things slowly and seriously...or even if you want to call it, making it "old fashoned styled". But the concept of courting really does make parents overstep their boundaries. If you are over 18, they raised you as a strong Christian woman to make your own decisions and decide what is right and Godly in your life. Parents should trust their children to do the right thing. By this age, if you can't make the right decision in this aspect of life, you are just masking things. Courting can make adult children hate their parents and can invite frauds to take advantage of young men and women. Please, just think over my thoughts and do your own research. I am just trying to help and give you more information. :)

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    1. I really appreciate your thoughts! It's true that everything can be used as an excuse for controlling others and courtship is no exception. We need to approach it, just like a lot of things, with trust between parents and children that goes both ways. In my view, parents shouldn't be in the process because they don't trust their daughters to do the right thing, but because they care about her and want to keep her from some of the unnecessary heart-break of the dating scene and offer council should she desire it. If we are walking with the Lord and seeking His ways in all things, court or date, He will be glorified. :) I'm so sorry to hear that the faith of your friends has been compromised.
      Blessings!

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    2. What I would say would be if the parent tells the child about courtship and dating but says that courting is a preference for the parents should the child just reject that? I don't think so. I was raised with a dating mindset but after seeing the protecting of a courtship I changed my ideas. I think courting does protect the heart of both the courters but it also protect purity. I want to get married and say that I've never made myself impure. While I don't think that dating is bad, I think it can become bad. Even if a child is honoring the Lord and her parents and doing the right thing, anyone can overstep their bounds. Children, even trustworthy ones, can do something they will regret.
      That's my opinion, but I want to point out that I respect others opinions. And on a side note, if you think courting is too "old fashioned" dating-with-a-purpose will suffice too! :)
      Susanna

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  14. I also know a few people who have been through rough courtships. Oftentimes things go south when the focus isn't on glorifying Christ. In any relationship it is imperative that one seeks his or her identity in Christ, not in relationship or family. If identity and acceptance are sought from man, disappointment is sure to follow. No man can provide a firm foundation upon which to stand. It is unfair to place your whole confidence in any man, for if you do, you are setting them up for failure (in your eyes). When you are leaning wholly on Christ, you can place your trust in man because you are already founded upon the Rock, and it is with confidence that you can reach out to humanity, knowing that your identity and worth are bound up in the heart of Christ, not in mere men.

    Courtship can be treated similarly to dating in some cases. I know many people who take courtship very much like engagement. Courtship is not engagement, it is a "trial run" to seriously figure out if this other person is who God wants you to marry. If you enter courtship with the mindset that says, "I am going to glorify God through this relationship by staying pure, honoring my parents, and truly seeking the will of Christ in this." you will not be devastated when it takes a turn, because you were leaning on God and His will, not your own will.

    When a godly young man seeks a young woman and wishes to "court" her rather than "date" her, the process should look at least a little different than dating. Dating can often be flippant and nonchalant as if the relationship holds little value and commitment. When one courts (and I'm not saying I have this all right. Every courtship looks different than the other) it is intentional, pointed, with a purpose, and ultimately to honor Christ. When a young couple comes together through conversation, prayer, scriptural study and commitment, it is beautiful. I'm also not saying that every courtship has a happy ending. I have friends and family who have been through courtships that didn't end in marriage. It was God saying "Not right now." It was Him teaching and leading even in a breaking process. The Lord can show us so much about ourselves when he brings another person into our lives. It isn't often easy to let go, to be honest, and to realize that the relationship is not in your own hand, but in the might power of God.

    Oftentimes, it is hard to see God's hand in the heart break. Even in the brokenness of a relationship, he is working. I pray for those who have been hurt in courtship and relationships. I ask that they may once again find peace in the shadow of the Cross.

    I really can't tell you if this was helpful or not! I just thought I would give you my take on the subject having experienced courtship leading to marriage. I hope it was helpful, and if not, I am sorry! I don't know it all, and I need to much more practice. I am learning what it is like to be a child of God living in His presence. I am praying for you all! God bless you!

    In Him,
    Rachel

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  15. Dear Olivia,
    I agree with you but where i live courtship as you mean it doesn't exist, not even among christians. Maybe dating with a purpose is more common (but still rare). Don't get me wrong, i know a lot of good christians that have pure relationships, seeking guidance from God, but they don't court. I'm a little confused about what i should do.

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  16. Courting the only way I'm allowed to have a potential future with someone. At first I thought the idea was stupid, but the more I read and learn about courtship, the more I actually believe that's the way to go about lifelong relationships. Stop and think about it, courting is really no different than becoming someone best friend, you do the same things, hang out with each others families, get together to get to know each other, learn the other person. I have kinda-sorta-not-really courted twice before and to tell the truth, you should always go to your dad first, even if you just like the guy.

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Fresh Modesty is fashion blog which encourages girls to "Dress outside your box, but inside His Book!" I allow anonymous comments so those without accounts can comment, but I would really appreciate it if you would identify yourself by some form of a name. :) Thank you for taking the time to comment!